Meanest story nominee: Oprah's heart attack drama.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 18 July 2011

Oprah Winfrey is just a story or two away from breaking into the top ten for most cover appearances, almost all of them on the Three Wicked Step Sisters, the Enquirer, Globe and the low rent Examiner. This week, it's the Flagship taking pot shots at her, saying she now weighs 271 pounds and she underwent a secret four hour surgery to save her life.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Mary Tyler Moore's last hope!

Publication: Globe
Date: 30 May 2011

The Globe wants us to know that Mary Tyler Moore is in bad shape, whether it is true or not. Here are the sub-headlines.

• Secret behind her brain surgery ordeal
• What she's hiding from fans
  

They didn't say she was going to die in any direct way, but "last hope" and "brain surgery" in the same story's headlines can't be good. Best wishes to Ms. Moore, her family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Hospitalization alert: Judge Judy stroke shocker!

Publication: Globe
Date: 18 April 2011

The Globe reports on a story already in the legitimate press that Judge Judy was hospitalized after an incident during taping of her show. She complained of stomach distress, but also began speaking incoherently during one of the cases, so people are guessing that she may have had a mild stroke.

Least interesting cover story of the week: Mariah Carey rushed to hospital.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 11 April 2011

The practice of having headlines without artwork is spreading from the AMI kennel to all the rest of the supermarket rags. (Technically, People has two such stories this week, but I forgive them because they gave the entire cover to a great glamor shot of Miss Elizabeth Taylor.) Weekly Life & Style prints the confirmed story that Mariah Carey was rushed to the hospital after experiencing false labor.

Best wishes to Mariah, her family and babies.