Least interesting cover story of the week: Justin and Jessica dating again!

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 18 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Us Weekly has a headline with no artwork, so I don't include a picture either. In this case, I think they don't have artwork not to be cheap, but to have kind of a "guess who?" situation. When they write "Justin and Jessica dating again!", you have to ask "Which Justin?" and "Which Jessica?"

These are very popular names in the gossip world.

We can eliminate Justin Theroux and Justin Bieber, since neither of them has a particularly famous ex-girlfriend. This leaves us with Justin Timberlake, who has squired many well known women, but the most obviously Jessica would be Jessica Biel in this case.

No need to be amazed, Watson. It was elementary.

Love Bird Alert™: Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis: It's on!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 20 June 2011

Who is Justin Timberlake shagging this week? If we accept this story in Weekly Life & Style and their public groping at the MTV Movie Awards last week, he's shagging Mila Kunis.

Of course, they have a movie called Friends With Benefits coming out next month, so this all could just be Planted Crap.

Love Bird Alert™?: Justin and Ashley SHOCKING new couple?

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 13 June 2011

Welcome to gossip hell 2011, Ashley Olsen! The twins from Full House are sitting on a pile of cash, but they still manage to look miserable and possibly drug-addled in every picture I see of them. For a change of pace, Ashley is romantically linked with all-star man slut Justin Timberlake, though his publicist has already denied it.

Even Us Weekly showed they didn't completely buy the story, putting a question mark on it and calling the couple "shocking". My read of the situation is that after breaking up with Britney, Justin swore off steaming hot messes and instead prefers women who are just steaming hot.

There are boatloads of them in Hollywood.

Love Bird Alert™: Are Justin and Olivia dating?

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 30 May 2011

Last month, Us Weekly said Justin Timberlake and Olivia Wilde had a sexy date, but now they put a question mark on it.

If we can believe the stories about him, it's an absolute certainty Justin is dating somebody, but I have to say if nobody is dating Olivia Wilde, that would be just wrong. She is freaking adorable.

Love Bird Alert™: Justin and Olivia's sexy date!

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 18 April 2011

Remember when Justin Timberlake was romantically involved with Mila Kunis? Well, that was a whole month ago.

Now it's Justin and Olivia's sexy date.

Olivia Munn from The Attack of the Show? You have a good memory, but that was last November.

Welcome to gossip hell, Olivia Wilde! The actress from House M.D. and Tron:Legacy is pretty hot right now, and so is her career, so it only makes sense that she steps up into the big leagues of man slut dating.

But get tested, honey. You never know where Justin's timber has been.

On the rocks alert: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are no longer a couple.

Publications: People, Us Weekly, OK!
Date: 28 March 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The break-up of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel is a done deal, and it produced six headlines on five different magazines with three different slants this week, so I'm writing three different posts, one per slant.

(Is that clear? I'm a mathematician, so it makes sense to me, but I've been in front of enough classes to know that isn't quite enough.)

All these stories talk about their break-up and either blame Justin for being a man slut or leave it vague. Here are the headlines.

• People: Justin and Jessica
  Inside their split
• OK!: Why Justin dumped Jessica
• Us Weekly: How he broke her heart
  CHEATING AND BETRAYAL
  After Justin dumps her, Jessica must finally face the truth about his double life

Like almost all posts featuring Justin Timberlake, this one gets the "man sluts" label. Some of the Hollywood Lotharios romantically attached to several women in the gossip rags may actually be trying to hide that they bat for the other team.

I don't think Justin Timberlake bats for the other team.

Love Bird Alert™: Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis.

Publications: Star, In Touch
Date: 28 March 2010

Fresh trash on Thursdays! We start with the verified story that Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake have separated. In the gossip world, this is never caused by ennui, but instead by dirty sweaty sex with other people. Both In Touch and Star blame Justin and Mila Kunis, his co-star in the upcoming movie Friends With Benefits. Here are the headlines.

• Star: Justin & Mila, the real story
  Their hot PDAs
  inside the split with Jessica
• In Touch: Justin & Mila - how she stole him

Just being clear to anyone reading this blog for the first time, I have no inside information. I just read the tabloid headlines and report on them. But I am giving the man slut label to Justin Timberlake because I really do believe he's heterosexual and I really do believe he'll shag anything hot in a skirt.