Least interesting cover story of the week: Justin and Jessica dating again!

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 18 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Us Weekly has a headline with no artwork, so I don't include a picture either. In this case, I think they don't have artwork not to be cheap, but to have kind of a "guess who?" situation. When they write "Justin and Jessica dating again!", you have to ask "Which Justin?" and "Which Jessica?"

These are very popular names in the gossip world.

We can eliminate Justin Theroux and Justin Bieber, since neither of them has a particularly famous ex-girlfriend. This leaves us with Justin Timberlake, who has squired many well known women, but the most obviously Jessica would be Jessica Biel in this case.

No need to be amazed, Watson. It was elementary.

Love Bird Alert: Jessica's revenge romance

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 4 April 2011

Last week, the supermarket rags were all over Justin Timberlake-Jessica Biel split, mainly focusing on man slut Justin. This week, only one story and it concerns Ms. Biel's romantic future. (I will call her Ms. Biel because there are way too many Jessicas in the gossip universe. It's like the distaff version of Ryan.)

Welcome back to gossip hell, Gerard Butler! He was one of 2010's most popular man sluts early in the year, romantically linked to both Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon, but it's been nearly a year since he has been mentioned.

There are two major categories of man sluts in the supermarket rags, though they do not mention it directly. There are the honest to God male breeders who can't keep it in their pants, like Justin Timberlake and John Mayer. Then there are the guys who I'm not so sure about, who might be getting these "links" to some serious honeyage to disguise the fact that they play for the other team. Until I see strong evidence to the contrary, Gerard Butler is in Category II.

I mean, really. 300 and Phantom of the Opera? That's a whole lotta gay for a straight guy to be in. The question cannot be ignored.

On the rocks alert: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are no longer a couple.

Publications: People, Us Weekly, OK!
Date: 28 March 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The break-up of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel is a done deal, and it produced six headlines on five different magazines with three different slants this week, so I'm writing three different posts, one per slant.

(Is that clear? I'm a mathematician, so it makes sense to me, but I've been in front of enough classes to know that isn't quite enough.)

All these stories talk about their break-up and either blame Justin for being a man slut or leave it vague. Here are the headlines.

• People: Justin and Jessica
  Inside their split
• OK!: Why Justin dumped Jessica
• Us Weekly: How he broke her heart
  CHEATING AND BETRAYAL
  After Justin dumps her, Jessica must finally face the truth about his double life

Like almost all posts featuring Justin Timberlake, this one gets the "man sluts" label. Some of the Hollywood Lotharios romantically attached to several women in the gossip rags may actually be trying to hide that they bat for the other team.

I don't think Justin Timberlake bats for the other team.

Love Bird Alert™: Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis.

Publications: Star, In Touch
Date: 28 March 2010

Fresh trash on Thursdays! We start with the verified story that Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake have separated. In the gossip world, this is never caused by ennui, but instead by dirty sweaty sex with other people. Both In Touch and Star blame Justin and Mila Kunis, his co-star in the upcoming movie Friends With Benefits. Here are the headlines.

• Star: Justin & Mila, the real story
  Their hot PDAs
  inside the split with Jessica
• In Touch: Justin & Mila - how she stole him

Just being clear to anyone reading this blog for the first time, I have no inside information. I just read the tabloid headlines and report on them. But I am giving the man slut label to Justin Timberlake because I really do believe he's heterosexual and I really do believe he'll shag anything hot in a skirt.

On the rocks alert: Renee Betrayed by Bradley

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 28 March 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There is a lot of fallout from the confirmed break-up of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel this week, and this story is the detritus farthest from the scene of the crime. Star has pictures of Bradley Cooper with two different actresses out in public, which obviously means they are shagging like wild weasels either just prior to or just after the public photos are snapped. Cooper is seen with Jessica Biel in a picture that looks real dated February 26 with the caption "caught cuddling", though it just looks like a Hollywood "hello" hug. There is also a picture that could be photoshopped with Sandra Bullock dated March 5 captioned "sneaking out".

I am not giving Mr. Cooper the man slut label because the evidence is just too skimpy.

UPDATE: Since the break-up of Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger is all over the place on the supermarket rag covers the week after this story, this gets a belated Scoop of the Week label.