This week's drama from The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Publications: In Touch, Us Weekly, OK!
Date: 11 July 2011

The Real Housewives franchise always has a selection of women, but each season someone turns out to be Queen Bitch and gets all the tabloid headlines. In this season of the New Jersey story, it's Teresa Giudice. The Queen Bitch usually need an aggrieved adversary, and that role is being played by Melissa Gorga. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Baby boy for Teresa
  Pregnancy bombshell
  With her husband facing prison, she shares her bittersweet news
  crazy cravings and terrified of gaining 50 pounds again
  Her fears over raising 5 kids alone
  PLUS: the baby's name - revealed!
• Us Weekly: Melissa hurt by Teresa's lies
• OK! As husband Joe faces jail, Teresa pursues a new man

Bundle of Joy Alert: Meet Kim Zolciak's baby boy!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 11 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Most of the women from the Real Housewives franchise that get multiple covers on the Only Ten Magazines That Matter are protrayed as bitches and gold diggers, but the supermarket rags have been relatively kind to Atlanta's Kim Zolciak. This week, she gets the best kind of treatment and female celebrity can get, pictures of her and her adorable baby. The boy's name is Kroy Jagger, which is not only unfortunate, it's also his daddy's name.

Best wishes to all involved.

Problems With Plastic Alert™: Real Housewife Teresa's $40,000 plastic surgery AFTER bankruptcy!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 4 July 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Teresa Guidice of The Real Housewives of New Jersey has a husband going to jail and has recently filed for bankruptcy. The Enquirer wants you to know she hid away enough money to get $40,000 worth of plastic surgery.

Is there some procedure that will give you a forehead if you are forehead impaired? That would be the first thing I'd recommend working on.

And the camera noses in to the tears on her face: Teresa's prison nightmare.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 27 June 2011

The husband of Teresa Giudice, the gossip rags' favorite Real Housewife of New Jersey, is going to jail. Teresa is not happy about this. Here are the headlines.

• In a shocking exclusive interview, she opens up about:
• Her husband being locked up for 10 years
• Raising her kids alone
• "I'm terrified"

Back in late May, Teresa had a headline that read "Fame destroyed my family!"

Yep, fame and illegal activities are a bad cocktail.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: A whole slew of too skinny celebrity women.

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 20 June 2011

Star uses most of the cover this week to show women who are too skinny as far as they are concerned. The list includes Ashlee Simpson, Courtney Love, Keira Knightley, Taylor Momsen, Tara Reid, Gretchen Rossi, Candice Swanepoel and a blocked out face "Guess who?" picture of Taylor Armstrong from Real Housewives that was on the cover of Star last April.

The magazine expects their readers have the attention spans of gnats. They may be right as far as that goes.

Bundles of Joy Alert: A girl for Pink, a boy for Kim Z.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 20 June 2011

Just in case you missed it, Weekly Life & Style wants you to know that Kim Zolciak of Real Housewives fame has given birth to a baby boy.

And the entertainer Pink has given birth to a baby girl.

Best wishes to all concerned.

Will Real Housewife Teresa quit?

Publication: In Touch
Date: 13 June 2011

This is the fourth story in four weeks about Teresa Giudice of Real Housewives of New Jersey. All of the stories have been in In Touch or Weekly Life & Style, two magazines owned by the German conglomerate Bauer. They say the magazines have separate editorial boards and different foci, but they seem to me just as joined at the hip as the AMI kennel is.

Teresa's shocking split: 'Fame destroyed my family!'

Publication: In Touch
Date: 6 June 2011

Every version of Real Housewives produces a breakout star, which invariably means there is one psycho bitch that that makes all the other psycho bitches look sane and reasonable. In Real Housewives of New Jersey this season, it's Teresa Giudice. Here are the headlines.

• Housewives exclusive interview
• Husband Joe Fumes, "I'm leaving"
• Fights over money, booze & jealousy
• "I'm embarrassed for my kids," she confesses

Embarrassment for her kids? OMG, what kind of weak psycho bitch is she? These women are supposed to be at least as bad as Sarah Palin, but this woman seems to have both some self-awareness and compassion towards others.

Some producer at Real Housewives slipping if this is the worst villain they could find.

Least interesting story of the week: Bethenny's at home yoga plan.

Publication: Us Weekly

Date: 6 June 2011

The plague of cover stories without artwork is spreading through The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, and this week Us Weekly succumbs. Bethenny Frankel of Real Housewives is trying to sell a yoga plan, but there is no picture of her stretching or looking serene or anything.

If Us Weekly doesn't think this story is worth a picture, then neither do I.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Real Housewives' Teresa vs. Melissa

(photo nicked from Radar online)
Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 30 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Welcome to gossip hell, Melissa Gorga! According to Weekly Life & Style, Melissa has gotten on the bad side of Queen Beeyotch Teresa Giudice. Here are the headlines.

• Housewives' most shocking fight ever
  It's War!
  Exclusive interviews
  How Teresa's obsession with fame and her jealousy of younger, richer sister-in-law Melissa are tearing apart her family.
  Melissa taunts "She's envious of my life."

To my mind, that's a pretty weak taunt. Sounds more like an observation to me.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Real Housewives' Teresa betrays Caroline.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 23 May 2011

There was a lot of buzz earlier in the year in the year about the Real Housewives franchise, most of it from the Beverly Hills version. Now, several stories are being reported from the New Jersey version, including this story of betrayal.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Mob Wives vs. Housewives catfight!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 16 May 2011

I don't have my TV hooked up to cable right now, and even when I did, I almost never watched reality TV. Commenter #1 Karen Zipdrive wants me to give the Real Housewives franchise a go.

I have respectfully declined so far.

Now there's a new show called Mob Wives, stories of women whose husbands are serving time for mob related activities. As of early this month, even Karen Zipdrive went on the record to say she won't watch this.

The company that owns In Touch and Weekly Life & Style can try pushing this rope all they want, but I am still not interested.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Real Housewife Taylor Armstrong is scary skinny.

Publication: Star
Date: 25 April 2011

I'm guessing Real Housewives are on hiatus or they aren't giving the gossip rags enough payola because this is the first story involving one of their spawn since late February. Instead of being too fat, Taylor Armstrong is outed for being too skinny.

Sounds like a wonderful life.