On the rocks alert: Sean Penn dumps Scarlett Johansson.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 20 June 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The news of the breakup of Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson has been all over the online gossip world, but only Us Weekly puts it on the front cover.

I for one am glad to see it. Kind of a creepy couple if you ask me.

Love Bird Alert™ and On The Rocks Alert: Scarlett trapped in Sean's dirty divorce.

Publication: Star Magazine
Date: 6 June 2011

Star writes that Scarlett Johansson is trapped inside Sean Penn's divorce proceedings. In point of fact, the divorce from Robin Wright Penn was finalized last August, so she's really trapped in a nasty post-divorce situation.

I've been so creeped out by this story, I didn't do the math for the Sophisticated French Rule, which says that an older person may date a younger person if the younger party is more than half the elder's age plus seven. Sean Penn is 50 and Scarlett Johansson is 26, so this is a massive fail of the Sophisticated French Rule. To give you an idea of how bad this is, ten years from now when he is 60 and she is 36, she's still too young for him.

Ick.

Love Bird Alert™ and Bun In The Oven Alert™: Lots of stories about Scarlett and Sean.

Publications: Us Weekly, OK!, In Touch

Date: 25 April 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson are on three covers this week, several speculating that Scarlett is pregnant because of a photo that looks like a baby bump. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Scarlett's secret bump!
• OK!: Sean & Scarlett pregnancy shocker!
• Us Weekly: Scarlett moves in with Sean

Ms. Johansson's reps deny the story.