Love Bird Alert™ with a side order of hairdresser: Jen and Justin move forward!

Publications: National Enquirer, Us Weekly, OK!
Date: 27 June 2011

More stories about Jen and Justin. Us Weekly called them "Justifer" on their website. I pray to Odin, Vishnu and the little baby Jebus that doesn't catch on. Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Jen & Justin moving in!
• OK!: Jen & Justin: Moving too fast!
• National Enquirer: Jen discovers new boyfriend's gay secret
  

Do you notice a subtle difference in the editorial choices? I thought you might.

Hairdresser Alert™: Bin Laden's secret gay life.

Publication: Globe
Date: 30 May 2011

The Globe says Osama Bin Laden had a secret gay life. Before this, the only clue was when the Weekly World News announced his marriage to Kim Jong Il.

Bin Laden was not a hot gossip topic before he died, but the AMI kennel is going to town on him now. Just a few more stories and he'll be up there with Liz Taylor and Gary Coleman as a top dead celebrity.

Hairdresser Alert™:The Real World's Dustin explains his gay past.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 23 May 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Dustin Zito! The current cast member of The Real World, the show that started the plague we ironically call "reality TV", was in gay porn back in the day, and now he feels the need to explain it.

I cannot count the number of ways I do not want to know about this.

Meanest Story nominee: Obama's gay lover attempts suicide

Publication: Globe
Date: 28 March 2011

The Globe, hoping to tap into the regressive backlash in the country today, tells us Larry Sinclair, a man who claims he did drugs and had gay sex with Barack Hussein Rock Hudson Obama back in the day, has attempted suicide.

This story gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.