Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Hulk Hogan's ex-wife writes a tell all book!

Publication: Globe
Date: 11 July 2011

Hulk Hogan has had a reality TV show for a while now, but in 2010 had no appearances on the covers of the supermarket rags. Now he's on his second cover in as many weeks, this time because his ex-wife Linda has written that favorite thing in the gossip world, the "tell all book". The Globe says it's full of sex, drugs and lies, and for once, I believe them. She's exactly the kind of person who would write a tell all book.

For example, there was a story a year ago claiming a tell all book from Tipper Gore would send Al to jail. Tipper is exactly the kind of person NOT to write a tell all book.

Meanest Story nominee: Angelina weighs 99 lbs and is hooked on heroin.

Publication: Star
Date: 13 June 2011

Star magazine says Angelina Jolie weighs 99 lbs. and is hooked on heroin. Brad's family is planning an intervention.

This last detail makes all the rest less believable, because Brad's family really hates her.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Surprisingly nice headline of the week: Travolta's battle to save tragic "Taxi" star.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 30 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Welcome to 2011 tabloid gossip hell, Jeff Conaway!

For those of you visiting the blog for the first time, know that AMI, the company that owns the National Enquirer and four other gossip rags, hates Scientology with every fiber of their being, hating John Travolta, Kirstie Alley and Tom Cruise almost equally. So this week, it comes as a surprise that they put up a positive story about Travolta doing his best to help out his Grease co-star Jeff Conaway, whose problems with booze and pain killers have been well documented on all those miserable celebrity rehab shows.

I have no love for Scientology either, but anyone willing to reach out to help a pal from back in the day is doing the right thing in my book.

Let's get the Teen Mom crap out of the way early.

Publication: OK!
Date: 30 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The good news is that only one gossip rag has Teen Mom crap on their cover this week. The bad news is that we can't get rid of this plague, which among reality TV shows is only surpassed by Dancing With The Stars for interest from the Only Ten Magazines That Matter.

I don't watch Dancing With The Stars, but at least I understand how someone could watch it. This show's appeal mystifies me completely. Anyway, here are the headlines.

• Leah's shock: Another Teen Mom Baby
  exclusive interview
  PLUS Corey starts a second family with a new woman and child
  Jenelle's rehab diary: "It's a nightmare."
  

Breaking news: Whitney Houston checks into rehab. Again.

Publication: People online
Date: 9 May 2011

The online version of People is reporting that Whitney Houston is checking into rehab for treatment of addiction to drugs and alcohol. Since this is reported on a Monday, it should be on the cover of some gossip rag coming out this Thursday.

Demon Drugs and Demon Rum Alert™: Lady Gaga's family has an intervention.

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 9 May 2011

Online gossip sources love Lady Gaga, the supermarket rags not so much. This year, only Star has mentioned her at all and both times it's to tell us she's taking way too many recreational concoctions. Here are the sub-headlines.

• family's last ditch attempt to save her
• drunk all day
• terrifying collapse
• coke & ecstasy

Who knows? Maybe she was born this way.

You So Crazy Alert™: Jim Carrey's wild night of partying!

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 2 May 2011.

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Jim Carrey made some gossip headlines a year ago when he broke up with Jenny McCarthy, a large breasted comic actress who tragically thinks she knows something about vaccines and is putting uncounted numbers of children at risk. Now, the Star has the details of a wild night of partying for the comic actor, featuring pot, booze and four women.

What no coke, no heroin? No knives or guns brandished? The police weren't called in?

Pretty weak wild night if you ask me. Still, Jim sounds like he's renting the crazy by the hour instead of being married to it.

A much more frugal lifestyle choice in the long run.

Demon Drugs Alert™: Dennis Quaid exposes Hollywood's drug secrets!

Publication: Globe
Date: 2 May 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Dennis Quaid! The skinnier and saner of the Quaid brothers makes his first appearance in the supermarket rags since the beginning of 2010, but since he's just a snitch in this story and the headline does not make it sound like he's a drug addict himself, maybe we should just welcome him to gossip heck.