Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Hulk Hogan's ex-wife writes a tell all book!

Publication: Globe
Date: 11 July 2011

Hulk Hogan has had a reality TV show for a while now, but in 2010 had no appearances on the covers of the supermarket rags. Now he's on his second cover in as many weeks, this time because his ex-wife Linda has written that favorite thing in the gossip world, the "tell all book". The Globe says it's full of sex, drugs and lies, and for once, I believe them. She's exactly the kind of person who would write a tell all book.

For example, there was a story a year ago claiming a tell all book from Tipper Gore would send Al to jail. Tipper is exactly the kind of person NOT to write a tell all book.

All this week's news about Angelina Jolie.

Publications: In Touch, Star
Date: 27 June 2011

Angelina Jolie is the center of the American gossip solar system and everything revolves around her. This was true long before I started this blog a year and a half ago. While Jennifer Aniston and Sandra Bullock have appeared on more covers than BrAngelina, there are also the solo stories about Angie. If I split every story about the couple into a story about each, instead of BrAngelina being in third place and Angie being in tenth, she would be first and he would be second.

Heck, the gossip rags wouldn't care as much about Jennifer Aniston if she wasn't the modern day equivalent of Debbie Reynolds to Angie's Elizabeth Taylor.

While Brad gets mentioned in passing in one of this week's stories, the focus is on Angelina. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Angelina's $500,000 birthday gift
• Star: Angelina's secrets & lies
  tell-all book banned!
  Her secret trial separation from Brad
  Cheating - other men, other women
  Held hostage with a gun to her head
  11 Never-before-seen family photos
  Teen guitar hero
  First wedding
  
  

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Cher collapses after Chaz releases tell-all book.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 23 May 2011

The Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids really don't like Cher very much, and they aren't crazy about her son Chaz either. Supposedly, the diva has collapsed due to things written in Chaz's tell all book.

I don't believe it. Collapsing over the critical reception for Burlesque, that I could believe.

Hey Old Timer Gossip: Dick Van Dyke had a crush on Mary Tyler Moore.

Publication: Globe
Date: 16 May 2011

The Globe says that Dick Van Dyke will be producing that most inportant of artifacts in the gossip world, the tell all book. In it, he admits he had a serious crush on his co-star Mary Tyler Moore.

Hey, buddy! Get in line! I mean, back then, who didn't?

Then again, he did play her husband for five seasons. I guess he should be at the front of the line.

Tell all book alert: Ashley Judd's shocking memoir.

Publication: People
Date: 18 April 2011

Last week, the Enquirer was in the running for Meanest Story of the Week for writing the headline "Ashley Judd: I Was Raped."

This week, People takes the same facts but calls it a "shocking memoir" and is not even close to being in the running for meanest story.

People has class about 99 times out of 100. The National Enquirer has class about 1 time out of 100.

Kick a FRESH corpse, why don'tcha? Miss Elizabeth Taylor's tell all book!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 18 April 2011

You might think the gossip rags would lose interest in Miss Elizabeth Taylor now that she's dead, but that would be a miscalculation, especially with the Globe and the low rent Examiner, who revel in Hey Old Timer Gossip. The low rent Examiner says that Miss Taylor left behind that most valuable commodity in the gossip world, the tell all book. The main juicy tidbit from this alleged tome is that Miss Taylor had a secret gay love life.

If what they mean is gays secretly loved Liz Taylor, well... that's not really a secret, is it?

Meanest Story nominee: Glenn Ford was a drunken wife beater.

Publication: Globe
Date: 18 April 2011

Welcome to 2011 gossip hell, the ghost of Glenn Ford! The Globe does a little corpse kicking and some serious Hey Old Timer Gossip, since Glenn was first famous not when I was in high school but when my parents were in still in grade school.

The story is that Glenn's son has published that favorite object of tabloid existence, the tell all book, and he's dragging his dad's name through the mud, saying he was a drunken wife beater.

(Note: the woman in not Glenn Ford's wife, but an actress. I think it's Erin Gray.)

This is nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Ashley Judd: "I was raped."

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 11 April 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Ashley Judd! The actress has a memoir coming out where she tells the story of a man who attacked her when she was a teenager and how she fought back. The Enquirer includes the fact that she fought back in the sub-headline and from other reports it sounds like an attempted rape, but that has never stopped the Enquirer from making a story as salacious as possible on the cover.

In any case, this blog sends Ms. Judd its best wishes. This story gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.